Let's start with this line: "You can only say what you know." From there the story pivots to what she observes and learns.
Then you add this line: "it was the end of something bigger still, something that had felt like a given, something there, like the gravitation law..."
You've given us great emotional and physical descriptions throughout and laid the basis for her transformation. Very well done!
Also you don't spare us the details that help us envision the surroundings. I like that. Modern-day readers with shorter attention spans might skip over, but you've done an excellent job balancing all the aspects of the environment you've set up.
This was so well done. I love the start. And then I got to this sentence, and it brought in all the emotions she is feeling:
"was it anger was it doubt was it fear was it insecurity was it jealousy was it judgement was it — come show your face again, your real face, the one I know so well and love so dearly, what’s going on."
You've got me wondering how you will develop her, and also does she like his students and feel proud that they appreciate him or does she compete for her dad's attention? Lots of good stuff to consider.
Thank you so much, Jill! That wasn’t light reading. She will eventually learn that logging out of her inner life only brings punishment in the long run, and that reconnecting with herself is the only way to survive. The father will continue to be a “ghost” that she will come to understand better in her awakening process. I like your point about some possible sense of competition for his attention, which I never considered till now. But will give it a thought.
Just catching up now and this is a one big wow.
Let's start with this line: "You can only say what you know." From there the story pivots to what she observes and learns.
Then you add this line: "it was the end of something bigger still, something that had felt like a given, something there, like the gravitation law..."
You've given us great emotional and physical descriptions throughout and laid the basis for her transformation. Very well done!
Also you don't spare us the details that help us envision the surroundings. I like that. Modern-day readers with shorter attention spans might skip over, but you've done an excellent job balancing all the aspects of the environment you've set up.
Oh thank you, Jill! such kind feedback!
This was so well done. I love the start. And then I got to this sentence, and it brought in all the emotions she is feeling:
"was it anger was it doubt was it fear was it insecurity was it jealousy was it judgement was it — come show your face again, your real face, the one I know so well and love so dearly, what’s going on."
You've got me wondering how you will develop her, and also does she like his students and feel proud that they appreciate him or does she compete for her dad's attention? Lots of good stuff to consider.
Thank you so much, Jill! That wasn’t light reading. She will eventually learn that logging out of her inner life only brings punishment in the long run, and that reconnecting with herself is the only way to survive. The father will continue to be a “ghost” that she will come to understand better in her awakening process. I like your point about some possible sense of competition for his attention, which I never considered till now. But will give it a thought.