From Suits to Souls

Leadership reinvented

Hello Mentatrix readers, my virtual friends!

This time two weeks ago I was roaming in the Chatuchak weekend market in Bangkok.

Today, a week after my return, I’m sharing the powerful experience that week in Bangkok gave me.

It’s a professional one. No. A human one. Both.

And that is the greatest wonder: I found a space where I could be both an employee and Zoe with her thoughts, feelings, memories, and triggers.

The second wonder was: it wasn’t just my individual one. We were collectively hypnotised, (gently) triggered into being human.

The third wonder being: it was just one person who made it possible.

This was a “leadership gathering” — an internal event for Directors, Heads, and other senior roles. But unlike such gatherings, this seemed to have been designed and to be hosted by only one Board member. Let me call him Jon for convenience’s sake.

Jon’s German, originally from a prestigious university town not far from my place, but he’s lived in southeast Asia for many years. His role is a bridge: a member of the central Board, but based out in the regions, representing the regions. It almost felt as if he was welcoming us to his home. His Board colleagues? Mingling with the rest of us.

I’ve been involved with this organisation, in various degrees, for 25 years. I remember very well the self-important suits, the immaculately standard wordings, the perfect balance between nicety and correctness. A lot of it is still there, nowadays. The suits may be gone; there are staff communities from LGBT to landscape photography; but there are still, as in most large organisations, the fine divides between “the headquarters” and the “regions”, between “cost” and “profit” centres (as if some functions are parasitic, and the others are the heroes). Some are driven by what the customer thinks, others by “how we do things around here”. Acronyms flow freely in town halls, with a significant minority wondering quietly what SSH or LSA might mean — or are those who know the minority?

But this organisation has never had a board member dressed in traditional (Southeast Asian) clothing while standing in front of a festive gathering of senior colleagues.

Pausing thoughtfully between words, talking about us belonging together without any pompousness of corporate speak.

Mentioning transcendence, meditation, the statue of Ganesha, the god of abundance, where we might wish to stop, light a candle and be thankful for what each of us may be thankful for — only if we choose to.

We all chose to afterwards and queued up for it.

This organisation has never had a board member that becomes a leader by himself, outside the cover of the collective board — but stays modest and yet ties everyone around him, to him. Without a typical speaker’s charisma; with his subdued voice instead, and his careful choice of words so that they may sound not rehearsed, but meant.

It was precisely the restorative character of the gathering that worked wonders. Meaning restored to words, emotions restored to motivational messages, humaneness restored to work.

The event goals?

• Consultation and feedback ahead of a deep transformation project just being kicked off.

• And, of course, team building.

The way the event was designed broke clichés and implicitly made it all feel genuine.

What would be a typical way of setting up the consultation and feedback?

Have a whole group discussion of about one hour, run some polls, have people drop a note in a box, wash our hands, there we have it. Nobody clear on what happens to all that feedback. Nobody clear whether there’s a solution to their concerns, and whether a solution will be searched for.

What happened instead? Two days (!!) were spent on such conversations, facilitated by an external professional. Small groups, cross groups, collecting notes, consolidating them, discussing them, confronting the different angles, exploring solutions.

That was no superficial tick-the-box consultation, for accountability’s sake. People felt confident at the end: they were not alone with their concern; their concern was maybe smaller than it seemed; their concern is being integrated into a scheme to address the problem. And in the process, people have looked each other in the eye, whether Director, Head, or “just” country manager.

And the team building? The usual stuff? Have some competition in four teams, give some silly games and fool around for the sake of having gorgeous fun and stir a team spirit. Or a competitive spirit. An us-versus-them spirit...

And what did we do instead towards a feeling of belonging together?

There were very personal stories shared about an object we’d been asked to bring along from home. Maybe because the setting was safe, in a smaller group.

There was talk of transcendence, meaningfulness, triggers. There were tasks or questions like:

                    What was the happiest moment of your life you can instantly remember? What was the most meaningful moment of your life you can instantly remember? Were they the same? What does that tell you about happiness and meaning?

                    If you were a doctor and diagnosed someone as in a “crisis of meaning”, what would you prescribe?

                    Find your zone of power. Does it mean power over the others? Power in the interaction? Can you leave a conversation precisely because you’re stepping back into your zone of power?

We had a “celebration” the night before the wrap-up. Jon presented it as:

“On Thursday we go and celebrate ourselves. The hard work we’ve done during the week, the tough conversations, the ups and downs, the journey we’ve made, individually and as a group. It’ll be time to celebrate.”

The morning after, his wrap-up was a recall of each day and stage we’d covered that week, prompting us to look back and reflect on our own, around the words:

Peaceful

Joyful

Playful

Meaningful

No corporate speak about the bright future and yes we can. Our personal experience.

And then we shared what we felt comfortable sharing.

Peaceful: the hotel pool; joyful: the celebration; playful: that pic deserves its own story; meaningful: no further comment

The playful picture shows us signing our names on a an artefact that had been created under our own eyes.¹

A note I made:

Transcendence and spirituality has never been integrated with work before. A safe space was created for being different, for being prone to triggers, for being imperfect, for being scared of change.  

“You have broken down many walls in these few days,” I told him at the end.

“We all did it,” he said smiling.

“Yes, but you made it possible,” I replied.

He stirred us into caring, and into forgetting about job titles.

“Thank you,” I told him the night at the celebration. He smiled. “But you know for what?”

“For what?” he asked like a good boy, picking up the cue.

“For being who you are,” I said and raised my eyebrows, nodding emphatically while turning around and leaving.

He was startled, visibly touched.

For sure, nothing stays as it is. Back to work, the tangible, spatial & geographical divide “us here – they over there” will reclaim some of its power. But a wall once broken down, is hard to put up again intact. Through the crack the light comes in, the song goes.

Let me throw at you some of the questions I had to ponder that week, as part of the gathering, or in the after-hours.

What impact would you want to create on the others?

How comfortable are you being human in a context that is conventionally non-personal? Where do you see the line between gentleness and resolution, between putting yourself out there and vulnerability?

What do you see yourself becoming? What hero are you aiming to become, in your own eyes?

What place does the “beyond” take in your world? Do you have rituals about it? How does it feed you and your never-ending journey? Or maybe you see your journey as complete?

Your happiest moments? Your most meaningful moments? Were they different? What insight can you draw from this?

1. The very last gig before goodbye: the facilitator has two jugs with different liquids in each. One looks like olive oil, the other like Balsamico. The Balsamico stinks, apparently. No one can guess what the two liquids are. He mixes them in a separate jug. At first, they are completely separate. “You see? Even when you want to put people together, it’s not that easy. Change doesn’t just happen.” He starts stirring. The two liquids start blending. “You see? Something’s happening!” Something’s happening indeed. The two liquids are now one, very muddy, and it starts swelling and swelling and swelling oooooohhhhhhh! “If you want change, you need to be active, not wait until it happens. And when you’ve stirred things properly, THEN comes the big change oh la la!” The liquid flows over and spreads on the table. It very quickly solidifies into a warm lava. In the form of a hat. A sombrero? Someone got the idea of signing their name. All of us followed suit. :)