The Time We Came in Twos

Testimony of a (Not So) Bygone Age

Photo by Paul Zoetemeijer on Unsplash

I grew up in the communist Eastern European block, behind the infamous Iron Curtain.

The deepest damage to our selves was maybe the necessity of duplication. The split between our private and our expressed selves.

Authority only seldom just suppresses. It also creates and imposes a desired self.

You were not a preschool kid — you were a motherland’s scout. Then, you became a pioneer, and later, a young communist. “Becoming” had a ceremony attached, a specific uniform, and a hierarchy. Later still, you were a mother, or a brave patriot, building the era of the New Citizen.

Self-detachment becomes the way to be.

First, you detach yourself from the propaganda-heavy words such as motherland, patriotism, the beloved leader, and you mock them with a wink; later, you mock integrity, empathy, solidarity, humanity, love.

First, you take a step back so you can live with the regime; later, you step back from any commitment.

When who you are and who you talk like are two different personas, in the long term, you stop knowing who is who — and which you should detach yourself from.

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I wrote the piece below about the less crushing power plays in those times. It strikes me now, after publishing it, that every character has a protector, a chaperone, a sponsor. These people come in twos, I realise: